GoFundMe

I feel very self conscious posting this and may delete later.. I’ve just struggled so much and I’m finally ready for help but can’t afford it.

If you can give I’d be grateful, whether that just be supportive words or a donation. ❤

https://www.gofundme.com/kates-treatment-bpd-and-anorexia

 

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Cocoon

Iridescent strands

Woven by dancing fingers

sealed together by crystal tears

 

She breathes in moondust

letting winter take hold

making everything porcelain

 

Her creation shimmers

and shudders

as if it were to blow away

yet she continues.

 

As she finishes

her lungs expel the last

of the warmth

from frosty lungs

 

and falls to endless slumber,

safe within her cocoon.

Do I Die?

I fall

unencumbered by the force

that has ruled my life

since the start of clockless time.

 

Their windswept faces

Their cracked profiles

Stand and wait

With bored certainty.

 

A delirium contracts around

the speckled white blue

as a bony hand holds up the yarn

ready for snipping.

 

Saved from certainty

Deprived of life

I fall,

I fall,

I fall.

But do I die?

The Haze

The world is so pretty through the haze
all soft edges 
all blurred colors
all full of warmth.

Summer’s haze carries the sweet memories
of laughter and mouth creases
so this alabaster skin
can no longer the cold touch,

The brush of the haze
sends ripples across a still mind
and wakes the tattered girl
who was long forgotten.

All it takes is one little pill
and then the haze descends –
a welcome break
from reality.

The Mind

Breath stolen by spinning disks of obsidian,

turntables hitching in midst of old voices; trapped in the moment

etched lines the mother of sweet sound,

reverberating through vast chambers of the rambling heart –

crumbling frozen spindles of the mind;

a key to ricocheting memories

thawing the long spent cries to forgive,

lost in bombardment through steel-tipped thoughts.

Hide and Seek

Running through an empty house

counting down the seconds.

One last place to find

One last place to hide.

 

Ready or not

here he comes.

 

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Hear the dripping of the tap

from the bathroom she once was

left running in the haste

to hide from echoing laughter.

 

Ready or not

here he comes.

 

Stuffed animals

lined against the wall

watching as she’s found

watching as she’s pinned to the ground.

Smiling at their owner

smiling, smiling

as she’s fighting.

 

Ready or not

here he comes

with his song:

 

Scream, scream

all you want.

No more running

no more hiding

once you’re found

I’ve got you bound.

 

Can I forgive you?

Like a horse you trampled my spirit,

your hand stole happiness

and left purple pain.

 

I tried to pluck some poppies,

but all the pretty flowers

in all the pretty world

couldn’t erase the memories.

 

Your force stole my strength

till only your words were needed

to make my knees tremble and clack.

 

I still shiver at the scent

of onions

as I remember the taste

and smell

of your putrid breath

and rotting body.