I was always a quiet child, not raising my hand, and softly scribbling at the back of a classroom. I loved the way words rolled off my tongue and how when you strung them together they could depict a image so powerful, so complete, and it would be all your own. That was the key of course, only my parents knew but I was very strong-willed. I wanted control all the time – little did they know I needed it. So as I grew older and their constraints ever tightened, I outgrew the wire cage they kept me in and broke through. They did not notice. A bent wire and silent escape, into a world where only I could fight. But it was into the shadows I landed, and not the light.

Yes, I always was a quiet girl, so no one blinked an eye when I finally started to take control of what I thought would make me happy. Skin and bones my eyes searched for, searches deleted from history. A diary, full of numbers, a measuring tape and scale, from which the numbers came. It was a dark grave which I had fallen into, and as the dirt covered me overhead my only hope was to keep on digging. So further a further into the rabbit hole I went, until I  felt the heat from the core and the pressure of tons of dirt above. And so here I stay, unsure where to dig for it’s too dark to see the right direction.



22 thoughts on “About

    1. Thank you for commenting, it’s always comforting to know you aren’t the only one with a past so debilitated that it modifies one’s mentality. I hope you found at least some reprieve from the constant demand for control which haunts everyday life…

      And I return your admiration, for it takes a lot of strength to rise out of a such a childhood. In fact I write for the very hope that it will help me overcome the tormentors which began to plague me so early on. A brief release of from reality and the emotions which are burdened upon it.

      I hope you continue on a path of healing ❤


      Liked by 1 person

  1. Thank you for creating this About page, dear Kate. I have been waiting for it. I see your bright inner light and it offers me solace, and I understand your darkness, too. Your excruciating struggles are similar to my own. This child and this young person you describe, still suffer in me. I was occasionally louder than you, because I am also a proud Leo Sun, but I was devastatingly oppressed as such in the dysfunctional family where I grew up in constant need of controlling myself. But there is also a lot of Virgo in me (more on that under your Virgo poem; please feel free to not reply to all three comments I wrote for you today). I am the shortest male in my family, because I started zealously dieting during my pre-teen years. I was also torturing myself with unguided physical exercise to the point of hallucinating with exhaustion and sometimes being unable to hold my own weight against gravity because of bruised muscles and inflamed joints. I was abusing my body again and again and I don’t know how I found the strength to keep my inner balance (my wife Plutonia, a tortured soul herself, has helped me very much), but I did, I guess also because I had to make it here to you, to hear your voice from down there and start digging and help you start digging towards my voice until we embrace. I know it’s not as easy as I make it sound, but I want you to feel very much loved, Kate, because I also know that we are magical beings who can be natural healers for one another, without necessarily needing any sort of experts and horrible medications. My words are too meager to express the depth of my suffering when I see daughters of the Goddess like You losing your way so despondently, when I know how much your feminine power is needed in our world. But you know what? Despite all the destruction that is going on around us, in many invisible ways too, I truly believe that all will be well. Because I see the potential in sisters like you who start making their presence felt and connect with one another and start spreading light which casts away a darkness so ancient it thought it would continue having its way with us. I am not a woman, but I am very strongly on your side beyond my male gender; if you take a look at this ode of mine, you will understand my viewpoint on women and why I care so deeply for each one of you heart sisters of mine.

    I am certain that more people will come to understand you and help you to the best of their abilities. Please forgive me when sometimes I do not feel very supportive and I seem to disappear. You are never out of my mind and heart now that I found you, but Plutonia and I have a grave survival problem here, and I cannot allow myself to ever hurt anyone again, like I hurt my friend Lily of FracturedGalaxies some time ago with my despair and my lack of discernment (I have some slight form of autism, too) and my emotional too-muchness (I also absorb other people’s sufferings and emotions too much; it’s like there are is no separating line between my internal world and the energies of others, and sometimes I become a terrible mess of a person who feels completely useless in this world). Lily has also been struggling with anorexia and depression, she is an amazing poet and a treasure of a girl with a heart of gold. I believe that if you start following her, you will prove truly helpful to each other on your evolutionary paths.

    Take good care of yourself, my sweet sister Kate.
    I honor you and I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for spending the time to construct such a long and meaningful post – I wish I had more time to formulate a deserving response in return but my mind is exhausted and depleted from words in the rushed world we live in at the moment. You are very special and the kindness in your heart is almost blinding, but not without the replica darkness that many of us carry. You will not leave my mind either, and your words will surely be engraved into my thoughts for an eternity. You are not worthless in the world – just think of all your sisters and brothers here, you have touched each and every one of us and I am sure that they can attest that you made a difference in their lives. I too am incredibly emotional and it’s a blessing as well as curse – I understand.
      You’re story sounds so familiar for I have lived fragments of it too – no wonder we found each other in this vast universe. Your words were so beautiful in this post I find myself teary-eyed and lacking the proper response. I will definitely look at the link you sent me – and don’t forget that you are the one who has brought many out of shadows and are currently help them fight the darkness, and that you are never alone in fighting yours.


      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m going to come over here and rest for awhile if you don’t mind. I like what your writing but I am really waiting for the release of grace, I’m thinking it’s close. Love your writing. – Shalom דָּנִיֵּאל

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love your writing – imagery, syntax, meaning – so evocative and powerful. You are a rising star and will touch many people/souls with healing and choices through your crafted words.
    Thank you for your follow – I feel privileged!

    Liked by 2 people

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